Asserting yourself means asking for what you want/need while being respectful to others involved.  No one wins when we fall into passive or aggressive behaviour.

“You have the right to say what you think and tell others how you feel.  You have an obligation to do that respectfully.  You have an obligation to listen to what others have to say and how they feel.  You have a right to have those things said to you respectfully.”

- Ed Jackson

Tips on Asserting Yourself

1) Describe the facts
Be objective and remove the emotions.  When you stick to the facts, the other party will be less likely to become defensive and shut down.

You haven’t provided the content for the About Us page yet.
vs.
The content for the About Us page has not been received.

2) Express the impact
Tell the other person why this is important.  They may not realize how important their participation/feedback is to the success of the project.

Because you haven’t given us the content, there’s no way your project will be on time.
vs.
The content is needed in order to keep the project on track and on target.

3) Specify your request
Clearly state what you need them to do/provide.

I can’t do anything without that content.
vs.
In order to keep the project on track, I would like to schedule a time when the content will be provided.

It takes practice and focus to avoid falling back into old unproductive ways.  You may not need to use all three steps every time.  Pick and choose based on the situation.  Keep at it – it will be worth it.

Recently I paid a visit to a national telecommunications company to pick-up a demo piece of equipment we were evaluating.  When I arrived at the front security doors I was “greeted” with a  phone mounted on the wall.  There was a sign indicating an extension for a service technician but since I was just picking something up that didn’t seem appropriate.

I picked up the phone and pressed zero – I thought that was a pretty good guess.  After a couple of rings the phone was answered and I explained that I was here to pick-up a demo.  ”Where are you?” asked the voice on the other end of the phone.  ”Trying to get into reception” I replied.  ”I am reception” she retorted and I don’t see you here.  Where are you?” she asked again.  ”I just walked in the main door and now I’m standing in between the double security doors” I offered.  ”What city are you in?”…

This was getting ridiculous – as it turns out the operator was located in Toronto and of course I was standing in London.  I told her the purpose for my visit and she transferred me through to my rep.  I was feeling much better until I received the dreaded…. voice mail!  At the end of the message the prompt indicated that I could reach an operator by pressing… wait for it… “zero”.  So I did that, fully expecting to re-connect with my new found acquaintance in Toronto, but this time I was subjected to “This option is not available, if you know the extension of the person you are trying to reach…”

At this point I thought it might be quicker to send an email so at the very least my rep could dispatch someone to meet me at the door.  As I was about to do that luckily someone walked around the corner and said “Are you hear to pick-up the demo?”

“Yes, yes – that’s me I excitedly replied”.

As I left (with demo equipment in hand) I pondered how many “barriers” are routinely placed between companies and clients under the often mis-guided guise of  streamlining or automation.  It made me happy that one of webAssist’s 2009 initiatives was to disable our telephone Auto Attendant and invest in a full CRM (customer relationship management) system that empowers all team members to access relevant client info so no one ever has to explain their “story” twice.

I also reflected on the experience and thought it rather ironic considering this is a telecommunications company.

“Press zero to comment on this post” – just kidding – I wouldn’t do that to you.